Good to see everybody.
-Nice to see you, too. It’s nice.
Nice to have Jim Gaffigan here. -It’s great. Good to see you,
buddy. Thank you. -(cheering) Thank you. Thank you. Whitney’s always good– It’s
always good to see you, Whitney. -(cheering and applause)
-Thank you. Thank you. -Thank you. -Chris, sorry
about the big windup. -I know. -It is good. It’s great.
-I’m– By the way, I’m-I’m instantly self-conscious about my pant color, because… -(Cummings laughs)
-It’s rust? Well, it is.
But with the couch, it’s like, what goes with pee-pee?
Poo-poo. Just– The two of these colors
together. -Is that what someone said?
-So I apologize. We get it. You have
a good personality. We get it. -We get it. You pull that off.
-Okay. All right. Well, I watched some
of The Bachelor last night, and it was a doozy. It’s always a doozy.
One of the contestants, Kelsey– Jim, I know
you probably don’t watch it, -but listen to this.
-I-I am so interested. (laughs):
Okay. Kelsey had her champagne stolen
by another contestant. -What?
-I know. I shouldn’t just hit you
with this out of the blue. She saved it for a year and then she was bitching
about the fact that the other girl stole
her date with the bachelor and then she heard…
(pop) And it was her champagne
they were popping and opening. Oh. Chaos! -That’s wrong.
-(laughs): It is. -Thank you. He gets it.
-But it’s also, like, what did you think
was gonna happen? You left a bottle of champagne
on The Bachelor set -that someone’s gonna…
-With 30 girls. It’s like leaving a nose ring
at Coachella. -Someone’s gonna take it.
-Someone’s gonna grab it. -Yeah.
-Someone’s gonna use it. -Yeah. -It’s gonna be in
someone’s face. -And it’s funny. And then what happened was she, of course,
threw a-a, you know, shit fit. And then Peter, the bachelor,
chased her, ’cause she was crying,
which they love. And then she’s like…
(crying, sniffling) -And then she gets all…
-He’s got a heart. Yeah, yeah. He-He’s really
just summarizing Bachelor. But she had– I love this bottle
of Korbel she had for a year. -Like, she had to take it on
the flight on Southwest. -Yeah. Like, “It’s–
I’m going on The Bachelor. So, you never know. It could be
a very special night.” Just buy it at 7-Eleven
on the way to the set. You know, whatever. Anyway, so
now Peter’s worried about her, and I’m worried
about all of ’em. And so–
Wait, so she was really upset -that they opened her bottle
of champagne? -Oh, yeah. Yeah. -And then she opened–
Go. Jim, question. -Does he– He bangs all these women. (chuckles)
You’re-you’re jumping ahead, but, yes, I think–
I think, uh, uh, -more one by one, but yeah.
-Well, it’s-it’s weird. It’s almost like– I don’t know. I just feel like, you know,
getting upset about a bottle of champagne really takes
the romance out of a show where a bunch of people
pitch themselves to a guy they just met. I know. It does. When she heard that champagne,
she was like a meerkat. “Huh?” Here’s what happened
when she finally opened it and everything worked out
nicely. -Okay. -I’m not a classy bitch
all the time, so… -There we go.
-That’s fine. -Yeah, show ’em what you got.
-All right, I… -Oh.
-(gasping) (laughter, whooping,
applause and cheering) -You know what? -You know what?
Can I say something? -SPADE: Yes, Jim.
-People think that these reality shows– people degrade themselves
going on them. -SPADE: Yeah.
-And you know what? I like this photo
to serve as an example of the respect and the dignity that is shown. She is… It was splooshed
all over her face. -(laughter)
-Yes, it was. -You know what? -No, no, stop laughing.
-Stop laughing. We’ve all been there, ladies. -We’re all been there.
-(laughter) -We’ve all been there.
-GAFFIGAN: Right? -(applause and cheering)
-It’s impossible. SPADE: You don’t know
when it’s gonna go. Maybe not with champagne,
but we’ve all been there. -And it is never not a shock.
-Yeah. -A little heads-up.
-And it is ne-never… -SPADE: I know.
-It never gets easier to handle. You’re like, “Oh, that’s not
where I thought this was going.” I mean, I assume after this,
he married her, right? SPADE:
I-I don’t know… Like, this is the one. It’s the only way
to make up for that. So anyway,
she had a full spaz attack. And anyway, it’s just following
exactly to what The Bachelor is. And I’m sure
there was some producer who shook that up backstage. -There was one. Switched
the bottle. -CUMMINGS: Yeah. They just make it all crazy,
and they all fall for it, and that’s the funniest part. I-I… It-it is funny to me,
so, anyway… -Uh…
-CUMMINGS: Devastating. Well, have you ever had anything
backfire like that, you set up on a date,
and something crazy happened that wasn’t supposed to? Yeah. It was with a dick
and semen like that. -SPADE: Okay. -Yes.
-(laughter) (applause and cheering)